Conversation Between The Seven Deadlies
"She's going on retreat again?"
"Yes boss."
Pride buried his head in his hands and looked through his interlinked fingers at the messenger. "Now, tell me, Sloth, after last year's fiasco, didn't I give you the job of making sure she put off actually booking it until it was too late?"
"Hey, that wasn't my fault, boss. I did make sure she put off booking it last year. Those bloody nuns contacted her and said a space had come up. I'd been working so hard on making her put off booking a retreat anywhere else and then they spoiled everything."
"Well, no use crying over spilt milk. But it does make her significantly harder to handle for months after she comes back."
Envy looked over at Pride. "How about trying for a good dose of Spiritual Pride this time? That's always good for a laugh."
Pride grimaced. "Tried that on her before. It almost worked."
"Almost?"
"Retreat director was too good. It got nipped in the bud."
Pride was clearly annoyed and Envy tactfully changed the subject. "Well, we know it's a waste of time trying for Lust. She's middle aged, married, busy job and has a kid. Sloth is going to win over Lust every time. I don't think it even counts as Sloth if she's too damn tired to do anything but fall into bed and sleep when she gets home at night. Lust gave up on her years ago. Said he was even getting bored with playing mind games to stop her noticing all the other sins and having hysterics about that one."
"I thought that always worked on Catholics."
"Used to work on her too. But not these days."
"Guess that leaves Anger as the tried and tested first line of attack."
Anger looked sulky. "Why do you all dump this on me all the time?"
Lust batted his eyelashes at Anger. "Because you're so good at it?"
"Yes, but she's a depressive. There's no real fun in getting them angry. She flares up and then calms down again, then she gets depressed about it. Used to at least manage to get her to be horrible to a few people before she calmed down, but these days that isn't working too well either."
"Was that after the first retreat?"
"Yes. She carries this wretched stone with her. Retreat director told her to keep it with her as a reminder that there were better ways to deal with things than throw stones. She's still got the stupid thing."
"So she's carried it for three years and you haven't managed to get her to throw it at anyone yet?"
"Nope."
"Anger, you're losing your touch."
Anger growled at Lust. "Anyway, Pride's isn't getting away with passing all the blame to the rest of us. He managed the biggest mess of the lot, this year."
Gluttony looked curious. "How so?"
Anger gave Gluttony a saccharine smile. "Because she noticed he was there."
Greed blinked. "She did? I thought Pride was the one nobody ever recognised?"
Anger turned to Greed. "Another good retreat director had a chat with her."
"Those buggers have a lot to answer for."
Pride picked up a notebook. "Anyway, time to stop the arguments and get a plan in place. Greed, you've already given me a couple of ideas to work on. Gluttony, you're a waste of space. We aren't solving this one by trying to get her to take second helpings of chocolate cake. We need something that'll affect everyone round her, not just her."
Envy nodded. "That was where Pride and Anger had a good double act going for years. Pride set her up, then when her pride got injured, Anger had a field day with it. Then for the first time she actually mentioned Pride and Anger in confession, and said she thought all her other sins started there."
Anger kicked a chair leg moodily. "She was right, of course. But people aren't supposed to see that. We've done a great job getting people to have hysterics over Lust but never notice me or Pride. Bloody C. S. Lewis. Anyone who reads his books starts to work this out. If they get as far as reading Mere Christianity, he spells it all out for them in words of one syllable."
Pride tossed the notebook onto the table. "Right, you've all got till October to come up with something. I'll keep pushing the Spiritual Pride angle till then and hope some of it sticks. Anger, you at least try to stop her apologising when she loses her temper, it undoes all the good work. Greed and Gluttony, if you can't help with this then stop looking superior."
He looked wistful. "I wish she'd never done that first retreat. It feels like it's all gone downhill ever since."
Copyright Sister Tiberia 2015
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